i can still remember what you wore on that very day.
i can still remember what we said, and what we did.
i dont know whether its a good or bad thing, that i still remember.
bcos frankly, i just don't know.

my parents hate each other.
its not just hate-hate kinda thing, it concerns the fucking law, and it concerns me.
I WANT OUT, DONT YOU UNDERSTAND? I WANT OUT. OUT OF THIS MESS, OUT OF THIS TANGLY SITUATION, OUT OF THIS DAMN SHIT. I WANT OUT.
IM EXHAUSTED, YOU'RE EXHAUSTING, AND I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS SHIT I CAN TAKE. I AM ABSOLUTELY DRAINED.
my dad is very foolish in some ways, bcos he just cant see or he chooses not to see the consequences. i've tried, but if he just screws up again, that's it. and my mum took such drastic measures. FUCK MAN im like so upset.
and my dad's pissed off that i dont wanna get involved. he said "if like that next time i dont tell u anything already. i wont ask you to help." its more complicated than what it is on the surface.
and as jme once told me, "try not to make other ppls' problems your problem."
BUT I CANT DO WHAT HE SAID. IT IS MY FREAKING PROBLEM.
even if its not my problem, im still connected to the problem. i can only see it going downhill from here.
when my parents hurt each other, they hurt me too, they just dont know it...
and they just cant let the matter rest. they're only thinking about revenge, ways to get back, threatening...
trust me, relationship problems? to me, its nothing compared to this.
there's not a minute of everyday which i dont worry about any of them getting hurt, about any of them getting scared, about any of them getting threatened.
i worry, and i cant help but keep worrying. it doesn seem to blow over anytime soon.
and trust me, its fucked up. period.

and i thought after a divorce, the two ppl are actually considered strangers. whats all this about then? theres no link between my parents anymore. they have no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to do this to each other. i've tried talking sense into them, but all i got back was flak for standing on the other person's side, im not helpful enough, that i just cant be bothered.
IF I COULDNT BE FUCKING BOTHERED, I WOULDN EVEN HAVE TRIED.
and now ive tried, ITS APPARENTLY NOT ENOUGH.

pls, just stop........stop it.....


oh, to a supposedly good fren, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME CUCKOO JUST BECAUSE I WENT TO A COUNSELLOR. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO THINK THAT WAY OF ME. YOU ARE NOT IN MY SHOES. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR MUM GETTING HURT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK THAT OF ME. AND I IGNORED UR SMS "wth did u have to go to a counsellor" BECAUSE I DID WHAT I THOUGHT I SHOULD DO AT THAT POINT. I WAS HELPLESS, AND I DIDNT KNOW OF OTHER WAYS. IF MY ACTION WAS WRONG TO YOU, THEN I GUESS I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU. VERY WRONG ABOUT YOU. I DONT NEED A FREN WHO JUDGES ME ACCORDING TO HOW HE WOULD LIVE HIS LIFE. I DONT NEED THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. SO FORGET IT. YOU DONT NEED A CUCKOO FOR A FREN TOO.

until now, i still cant believe you actually thought that way of me. that going to a counsellor was wrong, that i was cuckoo, or just nuts. i couldnt believe it til i heard it with my own ears.